Heart of Light, Heart of Shadow
by finalitylife
Summary: She can only try to reach out to him. It is up to him whether to step into the light. StarRob oneshot.


1

A/N: Star/Rob one shot from kinda early seasonsish so it is clearly not what I normally write so be warned my normal readers if you come across this. I wrote this just to see if I could, to try something different, and to simply test a few things. I think it turned out pretty good but when really does my opinion matter. Oh wellz...enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans, but hey, I think we all knew that already

Heart of Light, Heart of Shadow

By Finalitylife

He always retreats into his shadows whenever I get too close, always hides himself away once more where I can not reach him. I truly wonder why he does it, nothing I have encountered on this planet confuses me more than the boy I find myself wanting to hug and never, ever let go.

Sometimes I forget that he is only a boy...a young man, with no power of his own. Sometimes I forget that I might know nothing of what lies beneath the costume and mask of the hero that is Robin. Sometimes I forget that I might not know him at all.

But I do know him, I have seen him with his guard let down, have felt his warm and tender embrace...his human touch. He has spoken to me quietly and softly, not as my leader, not as my teammate, and most especially not as Robin. On those rare moments, its is him, the real him, and never have I found such contentment in my life then during those moments, never felt my heart race so happily.

However, those moments are always followed by him fleeing away from me, once more shrouding himself in the shadows around him. I know he does not enjoy the solitude as much as he pretends to, does not enjoy being alone with his own thoughts like the other Titan's believe. I believe he only returns to the shadows because that it is all he's known for so long, that he knows no other way to live.

Oh how I wish I could be his shining light...his shining star to fight back the shadows. How I wish I could show him another way to live, another way where he doesn't have to be alone, where he can be free...free with me.

Robin is my friend...the dearest and closest friend that I've ever had in this Universe yet I know, know without ever having felt it before, that he is far more than that to me. In my eyes I can always see him even when he isn't around. In my mind, I am always remembering the moments I've shared with him over and over again with a smile on my face. In my heart, I know no one else can make me feel as he does when he takes my hand and reassures me. I love him...I love him so very much.

There are times when I know my friends wonder if I even understand what is going on around me, wonder if I'm lost in the differences between my old home and my new one. There are times when they are most correct but love...love is something that can not be defined yet there is absolutely no difference in its meaning wherever you are, whether I am here or there. I know what lies deep inside me, and it is true love...true love only for him.

I wish so badly to tell him, tell him how I feel, to feel his arms around me once more yet I do not do it. I can not tell him because I am afraid, afraid that if I tell him, he will only sink deeper into the shadows to escape my love, escape what seems to be so foreign to him.

The display of love is not a common thing on my home planet but Galfore always made sure I knew that I was within his great warrior heart and the people proclaimed their love for me because I was the princess but with Robin...it truly seems as if no one has loved him for a very long time and I can't understand how that could be, how something like that can happen to such a selfless and wonderful person. I just do not understand.

I want to love him...I do love him, but I wonder if he will be able to accept my love within himself as I would eagerly and without hesitation accept love from him. He is so very close to me, yet always just too far away.

I float tentatively toward his room, hoping to talk to him, hoping that I can convince him to come out of his room for awhile. I want him to stop obsessing over Slade, I want him to spend time with me, I want him too...I want everything from him I think.

As I approach his door I can hear friend Cyborg yelling.

"Fine then, lock yourself in there all damn day! See if I care...see if anyone cares!" I watch as my angry friend walks loudly past me, anger clearly coming from him, taking no notice of my presence.

I find myself whispering to him, telling him that I would care...that I always will care. He does not hear me and disappears down the hall.

I float forward until I am facing his door, raising an uncertain hand. Uncertain in my words, absolutely certain in my motive and purpose. My hand finally comes down, knocking on the steel door. His response is immediate and blatant.

"Damn it Cyborg! I said I'm busy. Now leave me alone!" I cringe back slightly as he yells from the room, such anger in his voice, and even though it is directed at Cyborg, I can't help but feel a small bit of it is directed at me. I fight the urge to flee away as fast as I can, to leave him to his shadows, but I am unable to do that to my beloved.

He does not lock his door anymore, not since the first time I came to talk to the real Robin, and I can't help but wonder, is that his way of inviting me in? I push the button and the door slides open, revealing the darkness of his room, me barely able to see him hunched over his desk staring at stacks of papers and photos.

Upon hearing the door slide open, his head snaps in its direction, anger at being disturbed in such a manner clear.

"I told you to leave me a...lone." His voice goes from an angry yell to a quiet shock at seeing me smiling shyly in the doorway, not the one he thought he was yelling at. His face softens for a few seconds as he stares at me causing my heart to soar before he finally seems to make up his mind about what to do.

"Sorry about that Starfire, but I'm kind of busy. So if you don't mind, I'd prefer to be alone." He turns back to his papers, probably expecting me to leave like I often do, but this time I can not make myself leave.

"I just...just wanted to know if you would like to accompany for a walk around the city. There is much I have not seen yet that you could show me and..." My meek sounding voice is cut off by Robin's sterner voice.

"I told you Star, I'm busy right now. I want to be alone." There is a slight edge in his voice that I notice barely, something I've learned is a sign that he has overworked himself, the stress is getting to him...that it all is becoming too much. I wish he would share the burden with me...I wish he wouldn't try to do it all alone.

"But Robin, you have spent so much time in here, and I am worried that..." Again he cuts me off, though he does not even turn his head to look at me.

"Don't worry about me Starfire. I can take care of myself." Each time he responds to me, I hear the words loudly...alone...myself, each time he says them makes my chest hurt...my heart ache. It is this reason that I can not leave him right now. I try again.

"But Robin..." This time he reacts. He slams his fist into his desk as he stands up.

"What are you deaf! I said leave me alone!" I stare wide-eyed at him, my whole body in a state of shock. He has never yelled at me like this, never acted this way toward me. I can not look at his face anymore and my eyes drift down and away from him as I wrap my arms around my slightly quivering body. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, and I so badly do not want Robin to see me cry but I still can not make myself leave.

"I'm...I'm truly sorry for upsetting you Robin. I just...I just missed you so much and wanted to spend some time with you and I..." I can't speak anymore as the strain of holding back the tears causes my chest to refuse to cooperate, the only noises coming out of me sounding like strange hiccups as I continue to fight the tears.

I am completely surprised when I feel someone wipe away one of my tears gently with their hand, the touch causing my heart to skip another beat.

"Please don't cry Star. I'm sorry for yelling at you, I didn't mean it. Its just I've been so stressed with Slade and trying to find him. I miss you too Star, but I need to find him because if I don't I'm afraid something might happen to you...I'm afraid he might find a way to make me hurt you again and I can't...just can't allow that to happen. I can't lose you Star...I can't..." His voice which was so full of anger only moments before is filled with a sweet kindness, a genuine caring that he only seems to let out during moments like this. I am seeing the boy beneath the mask, I know this without a doubt as he takes my hand into his, giving it a small squeeze.

"Can you forgive me for yelling at you Star?" He gives my hand another squeeze, and I turn back to look at him, seeing the smallest of hopeful smiles on his face, a smile that warms my heart.

I am unable to control my next actions as I pull my hand from his and instantly wrap my arms around Robin, pulling him into a hug. This is not one of my out of control hugs where I find myself unable to control my boundless joy but instead is gentle...a loving embrace. He does not immediately react, and I fear I have crossed the line...that he will pull away and become angry again. Eventually though, his arms slip around my waist, for once, his gloveless hands and arms touching against my bare flesh there and I can't help but relax within his feel. The moment lasts with me basking in his touch, me never wanting it to end.

"I love you." The words are out of my mouth, whispered quietly into his ear before I even know it, my burning heart taking over for a moment. I feel his body tense up and instantly try to pull away, but I don't let him get away and his moment of resistance seems to quickly be forgotten as he squeezes me a little harder.

"I know Star...I know." Again I feel a small bit of moisture in my eyes once again doing my best to fight it back.

"Please don't run away from me Robin...please don't...please...I need you so..."

"I know Star...I know..." He pulls back ever so slightly so that we are face to face, mere inches apart from each other, and I can feel his hot breath against my lips. I can feel him looking deep into my eyes, as if he is looking for something, and then it happens. He kisses me. My eyes close as I melt so completely into the moment. I can feel his warmth flowing into me through his lips, causing my entire body to tingle, my heart to beat faster than I thought it could.

It is a single kiss, a single innocent action but from it I know that Robin needs me too, that Robin loves me too, and that for this moment, the shadows can't get at him for I am his light, and I will not let him go.


End file.
